Spinning plates: parenting, PhD and employment
Written by Jemma Saunders
Hello, nice to meet you...
‘...my name's Jemma and I’m a part-time PhD student.’
‘...I’m Jemma and I work full-time in the Department of Film & Creative Writing.’
‘...my husband and I have a son who’s almost three.’
Doctoral Researcher. Placement Coordinator. Mummy. Three parts of my identity that are necessarily distinct at times, but rather than each role being a fixed amount of time in your day or week; when you’re a parent, that plate keeps spinning 24/7.
I was never naïve enough to think that working and studying would be easy with a child in the mix, and we’d always hoped to start a family. Nonetheless, after the initial shellshock of his arrival in summer 2021, returning to work the following May and to the PhD – officially, if not actually – another three months after that, were far bigger adjustments than I’d anticipated.
I’m trying to think what to type next, at 19:15 on a Sunday, while a little voice in the bedroom next door is singing ‘I’m driving very fast!’ on repeat to the tune of ‘the farmer wants a wife’. Maintaining focus can be tricky!
Not a part-time parent
When my maternity leave finished, several people asked, ‘what days do you work now?’ assuming it would be less than five, but nobody’s ever said, ‘what days do you parent?’. And rightly so! This is surely an acknowledgement that being Mummy is constant regardless of my other responsibilities. I firmly believe that no matter how many hours I am paid to work, or manage to spend on my PhD each week, I am not a part-time parent.
And yet, I feel guilty: guilty when I drop him at nursery; guilty if I leave the office at 16:00 on the dot to collect him; guilty when I spend an hour watching TV instead of reading an article or sorting another inevitable pile of washing. Because although I know I work hard, there is always something else to do.
Can I fit it all in?
I acknowledge that I write from a position of relative privilege: my husband is amazingly supportive and does most of the household chores, and between us we can pay for nursery Monday-Friday (though only because I do work full-time). I have so much respect for all parents, but especially anyone who’s flying solo, and/or doing it alongside work, study or both. My son is my greatest joy, but I also take pride in my job and value the intellectual challenges of both that and studying. I didn’t want to give up either when I became a Mum.
Even with my other half leading on the cooking and dishes though, a toddler running round means my PhD time is largely restricted to 19:00 onwards or weekend midday naps, which are diminishing with terrifying speed! So sometimes I don’t fit everything in. Something has to give and nine times out of ten it’s my research, writing, editing and thinking time, as I can’t put my paid employment on hold, and likewise my family needs me.
Some days I really don’t know how I’ll make it through my PhD, in the intermittent bursts of time I have. But other days it feels possible, and I know in a few years I’ll miss those sleepy cuddles that punctuate my typing. I’m realising there’s no single way to approach a PhD, and if that’s the spinning plate that falls occasionally, I need to accept that I’ll just pick it up again when I can.
If anyone reading this is also spinning their own PhD plate alongside being a parent, keep going! From this Mum who adores her son, loves her job and is determined to somehow submit her thesis in the next year (or three), I know it’s not easy. But we’ll get there.
